Revenge of the Evil Author
by Nagini Crimson
Summary: What happens when the evilest author in the world, -Nagini-, decides she wants Draco and her best friend REALLY want Paddy Spank (Sirius as a teen)??? Find out in the Adventures of, Revenge of the Evil Author!!!!
1. One w/ Juliana Black

Juli is sitting at her computer, writing her Sirius Story, "Ack

**Juli is sitting at her computer, writing her Sirius Story, "Ack! What Do I Do?"**

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**Juli**: My fic sucks…

**Voice #1**: Yes! Yes, it does!

**Juli**: Hmmm??? Who sad dat?

**Voice #2**: He did.

*Juli whips chair around, looking away from her computer.*

**Juli**: Ack! *grins wildly* PADDY SPANK!!!!! Wait a second here…. **Who** insulted my fic?

*James, Lily, and Moony, Harry, and Hermione all point at the teen Sirius.* 

*Draco is pointing at Harry.* 

**Juli**: *scolding Padfoot* Paddy Spank, you're the lead character! Wait a minute, you guys, sit here and wait! I gotta ring up Missie!

*Runs with lightning speed into her VERY messy closet, and digs through the piles of clothes and board games and empty chip bags.*

**Juli**: Aha! Found it! *triumphantly holds phone*

*Juli hooks it up and dials a few numbers*

**Juli**: *as sweet as possible* Hello, is Jessica there? *waits tapping foot* MISSIE FREAKIN LUPIN!!!! Get your hiny over here! You will *NEVER* guess who's here!

**Missie "freakin" Lupin**: Hey! You know that's not my name! Grr… Is it… Paddy Spank?

**Juli**: YES!

**Missie** Holy Shit! *illegally apparates to Juliana's house* Omg! You weren't kidding!

**Padfoot**: What? WHAT? Hmmm? What are you looking at?

**Harry**: Erm, Sirius, I'd watch out if I were you, because that's the same look that Hagrid used to give to Norbert.

**Juliana**: *looks shy* Draco will you marry me?

**Draco**: *looks scandalized* No!

**Juli**: *thoroughly pissed* Fine! *spins back around in her SWIVEL chair and types as fast as she possibly can.* Ha ha! *glares at Draco* It pays to be da author. *looks satisfied*

*Everyone laughs at Draco*

**Draco**: WHAT? What? *eyes bulging as he runs to my dresser mirror*

*Draco starts screaming and crying*

**Draco**: What did you do to my hair? *gasping*

**Juli**: I just added in that last week you died your hair pink with red striped, and finally pronounced to the entire school at the Quidditch game that YOU are a MUGGLE LOVING…

**Draco**: NO!

**Juli**: Neville kissing!…

*Draco screams*

**Juli**: Poor boy WHO LOVES HUFFLEPUFFS AND GRYFFINDORS!

*Draco starts sobbing*

**Juli**: I'll erase it if you marry me..

*Lily and Hermione look scandalized, Moony is still wondering what the Hell is going on, why he's here, and who this Missie Lupin is, Harry is laughing at Draco, and Missie is busying herself with Sirius who is trying to get away.*

**Draco**: Humph! I'll just do a spell to change it back… That'll solve my largest problem…

**Juli**: Didn't I mention Draco? You decided to become a muggle, and preformed a spell that got rid of ALL of your magic. You know… this can easily be fixed Drakie… There is this little button called the "Delete" button… But I'll only press it if either, you marry me, or you become my boyfriend and I get to go to Hogwarts.

*Draco faints*

**Juli**: Finally! I thought he'd never do that! Whew… okay, now have any of you read my Ack! Story?

*They all shake they're heads except Missie who nods*

**Juli**: Paddy Spank! How can you say it sucks if you haven't even read it?

**Sirius**: I dunno… just felt like it… I guess because we- *Missie cuts him off by snogging him*

**Juli**: Ick! Missie! That's my dad!

*Everyone but Juli and Missie shriek,* WHAT?!!?!?!?!?

*Missie and Juli nod*

*Everyone but the two faint*

**Juli**: Come on Missie; help me wipe their memories…

*Ten minutes later…*

**Missie**: Okay, now how do we get them back to Hogwarts-land?

**Juli**: Erm… who said we were going to do that? *grins evilly*

*They all wake up*

**Juli**: Oh Draco! Are you okay sweetie?

**Draco**: Huh? Where are we? Who are you?

**Juli:** Your girlfriend silly! And you're in Massachusetts, in the States.

**Missie**: Paddy Spank, I know you love it when I call you by your nickname…. Are you okay sugar lumpkin?

**Sirius**: Er- yeah?

**Juli**: *smirks, sick and twisted idea is in her head* Hermione! Why aren't you all over your boyfriend? You know, James?

**Hermy**: Oh! Right!

*They passionately snog*

**Missie**: *catching on, being even grosser* And Harry! You should be comforting your Lily!

*Juli thwaps Missie*

**Juli**: Sicko! What she meant to say was, Remus! You should be comforting your Lily!

*They nod and kiss*

**Harry**: Erm… I don't have a girlfriend?

**Juli**: *evil glint* Don't you remember Harry, Your Ronniekins couldn't make it!

**Missie**: Look at the time! We should get back to Hogwarts! *trying not to burst out laughing*

**Sirius and James and Remus**: K! Apparacium malo!

*They al are at Hogwarts and live Happily ever after, and of course everyone is wondering why Lily + James aren't dead, but I explained that I was the author… so… You know!*

**_!!!!!THE END!!!!!_**


	2. Two w/ -Nagini-. Sorry for shortness.

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Sorry for the uber shortness, Missie is Missie Lupin, Remus' neice and –Nagini-'s friend's friend. Sorry for the shortness again, more soon. Plzzzzzzzzzzz review.

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"Yawning, Harry potter slipped out of his warm bed in Gryffindor Tower, only to be face-to-face with Draco Malf-"  
  
Harry: What the _hell_ is Malfoy doing in my room?  
  
-Nagini-: What?!?! *spins around, spotting Harry Potter glaring from the chair in her room.* H-H-H-Harry Potter?  
  
Draco: No, he's the bloody Queen of England.  
  
Missie Lupin: You see? That's why I don't like him -Nagini-. You don't have to be so sarcastic Draco.  
  
-Nagini-: Yes he does. It's his mental defensive-mechanism. Poor Draco.... *sniffle*  
  
Harry + Missie: Huh?  
  
Hermione: Honestly you two. It means that Malfoy here is insecure so he keeps being sarcastic to cover it up.  
  
Draco: *is staring in disbelief* I most bloody well do not! Malfoys are not insecure.  
  
-Nagini-: *whispers* Yes, see.... Living in the shadow of the Malfoy name.... This is going to take some work Missie...  
  
Harry: Hello! Back to my question! Why is Draco Malfoy in my dorm!  
  
Ron: *irritable* It's not just your dormitory you know Harry!  
  
-Nagini-: What the hell do you think you are doing in my Author Ficcy? Hmmm? You got some 'splainin' to do!!! *bashes Ronald "fricking" Weasley with a mallet into the ground*  
  
Ron: *weakly* Ow....?  
  
Missie: *while -Nagini- is in the process of killing Weasley* Cool. *grabs some popcorn* -Nagini- is going totally... POSTAL! Fun!  
  
Draco: Go -Nagini-! Hey, pass the kernels.  
  
Harry: Fat chance of getting them from her. She's a total popcorn hog.... *Missie thwaps him while still stuffing popcorn into her mouth* Ow? Do you know why Draco was in my dorm?  
  
Missie: *mouth full* Most pro'lly a slash fic.... -Nagini- likes them. *Harry pales, as does Draco and Hermione*  
  
All three: SLASH?! *Missie nods and cheers when Ron was finally killed*  
  
-Nagini-: And stay out. Humph.... What's with you three?  
  
Draco: I.... and... Potter? Slashed? How...  
  
Draco AND Harry: SICK!  
  
-Nagini-: I thought it was sweet. Missie... You do realize that Hermione is sitting next to you, as is Drake... right? *Missie lets a few popcorn kernels fall from a wide-open mouth. She jumps up and quickly sits on the floor near Harry* And um... Herm... Now you're with Drakie....  
  
Draco: *insulted* Drakie? Drake? What?! *-Nagini- grins evilly*

-Nagini-: Whaaaat? *innocently* You don't like your nickname? *smirks*

Draco: *shakes his head furiously* No!

-Nagini-: *pouts and crosses her arms* You four are no fun, well, Missie, you would be… but-

Missie: *still munching on her yummy popcorn* The popcorn factor. I know. *suddenly panics* Don't zap me back home! Reemie is gonna be mad at me when I get back, I uh… blew up the living room.

-Nagini-: Okayz, Sorry Draco, Harry, Herm, you gotta leave, I'm calling in the Marauders. *sticks out her tongue and starts to type, suddenly Draco, Herm, and Harry all disappear* There we go…. Now for…. *types madly for a few minutes* Oh phooie, I'll do that later! *saves and turns off her compy*.

Almost a full day later….


End file.
